I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
