Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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