he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Help. Why am I so naked?
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