The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
