Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
