whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
