I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
