Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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