I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
