You're completely useless in the revolution.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
