The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
