god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
