she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
