Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
