I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
