I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
