Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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