Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
