You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
