So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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