i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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