He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
