I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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