There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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