The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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