Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
