I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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