you would pick up someone in the library
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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