i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
