she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
