Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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