I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
