oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
