yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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