that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
