So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
