New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
