apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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