you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
