It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im part way to drunk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
