Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
