Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
