Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
