the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
