ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
