He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the day after is always just damage control
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
