i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
