these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
