So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
