Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
