I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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