whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
